Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Defeated

Well, Olivia got Strep Throat too. Lovely...

It has been an emotional week for a variety of reasons.

I am not sure what the answer is for us and getting more sleep but I am finally at my end. They fight and fight their naps now during the day. They will only sleep in their swings, stroller, or car. I can't physically rock both of them at the same time anymore because they mess with each other. If I take turns, they wake each other up as I am putting them into their crib. My end is here. All I know is my girls are exhausted, grouchy, whiny, and not happy babies. And I am not a happy mommy.

My mom stayed with the girls today during nap time while they cried it out. I was crying it out at my friend Sarah's house. I went back after about 2 hours. We put them back down for their afternoon nap and I went downstairs to rest and turned off the monitor. They did a little better. We are hoping to cut out the night time bottles and comfort back to sleep during the night without putting a bottle in their mouths.

I feel so defeated. I know they are fine and everything; with no permanent damage. I just feel like I am short changing them by going against what I believe is right. I feel like I have failed them for not being able to find a way to establish healthy sleep habits without crying it out. I hate this. I hate that we have come to this. I hate that I am not strong enough to listen to their cries myself. I hate hate hate this.

3 comments:

Mom, Mommy, Mama said...

You can do it! I know you can you are a strong mom and you can make it. I am here anytime you need an escape:)

Heather said...

Oh, Sara. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know it is so hard. Don't beat yourself up. My girls were doing great getting to sleep on their own, and they still are at night, but I have had an awful time with naps lately. They are now down to crying at nap times. They usually cry and then take a decent nap. I was really upset at the thought of it, but once they started napping and being happier after the nap while awake, I felt OK about it. It is awful to hear them cry, but for us, otherwise they don't nap. Even in my arms. And that was serious pure hell for us all. I am not kidding when I say that I would have snapped if they didn't start napping. I feel bad that they aren't "perfect sleepers" and can't get to sleep on their own without tears, but I think there is alot more crying and fussing going on out there than people care to admit. So I am totally rambling here now. But the point is that you are a great mom. Give yourself a break, literally, if need be. I know I need them.

Lindsay Pierson said...

I am so sorry you are having a hard time, but try not to be so hard on yourself! You have the hardest job in the world!! For me, it helps to remember to take things one day at a time, always trying new things to see what works best for each child (I know you already know this!). When we were trying to get a night routine down, I eventually let both of mine cry it out (going in to comfort every 10-15 minutes) for two or three nights and now they sleep like champs (of course there are minor outburts on occasion). It is very hard to hear them cry, but they were EXHAUSTED and needed to sleep and other things we tried just weren't working anymore. I still rock, read books, all of that really good mommy bonding stuff (I do believe that is SOOO important), but when it is time for bed and they are cranky tired, we lay them down and they go to sleep! Naps are better too. I believe it was very GOOD for them in the long run. And it is very good for me too- so I don't go crazy!!! They know that you are there and that you love them so much and letting them cry themselves to sleep a couple of times will not change that. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE and don't forget it! This too shall pass!! :)