Sleep issues

I am sure everyone is tired of hearing about our sleep issues, but here goes...

The girls are on a sleep strike. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that they are teething molars and several other teeth or it may or may not have something to do with the fact that we stopped bottles and swings cold turkey when we got back from vacation. (Which I have tried and tried to do a post on, but I am having a hard time getting pics to upload for some reason.) Remember, they have pretty much been falling asleep with a bottle in their mouth (bad habit #1). And they have been falling asleep in their swings for naps (bad habit #102). We decided they are getting too big for the swings (yeah, I know, they were too big long ago) and bottles really should be heading out, too.

SO...I am seriously trying not to curl myself into a fetal position in the corner with my hands over my ears singing a little ditty in my head. You think I'm joking? I am so not, people. It has been hell. They cry and cry at night when we are rocking them to sleep. They fight and fight, especially Abby. She twists and turns and arches her back all the while screaming like we are ripping her arms off. Spoiled much?? Olivia is a bit easier as she cries really hard for about 5 minutes and then settles down to sleep. There are nights it has taken 1 or both of us over an hour to get Abby to sleep.

And that doesn't even count the naps. I am trying to get them to lay in their cribs to go to sleep for naps, since you know, I only have 2 arms and cannot rock them both to sleep at once and they refuse to let the other in my lap alone not to mention the fact that I am NOT going to rock both of them to sleep 1 at a time. I am NOT!!

Ahem...moving on...

As long as I am right beside Abby, she will lay there as I pat her...for 45 mins to an hour until she falls asleep. If I step away from her crib to, I don't know, CARE FOR ANOTHER BABY, she dissolves in hysterics, and the process starts all over. Meanwhile, Olivia is ok as long as she can see me. She rolls around with her blanket and plays until she realizes that she is about to fall asleep, then her waterworks start. She will lean over toward me and pat my arm and lay her head down on me as I am patting Abby. There have been times where I am patting both of them with my face on the boards of their cribs in between them. Yeah, not my finest hour. This has and may continue to go on for anywhere between 30 mins to an hour and a half.

Olivia will eventually lay down and go to sleep, but she is crying the whole time. So there I am patting Abby so she doesn't go into hysterics while Olivia cries herself to sleep so Abby doesn't have to?? How is this ok?? Sometimes I look around and think "Who am I that I am letting these 1 year olds run my life??"

Then, after all that, they may stay asleep an hour if I am lucky. I have even tried to make it only giving them 1 nap a day. They either fall asleep in their highchairs during lunch or they are SO cranky it's not worth it. Especially since even if they only have 1 nap, they still only sleep for about an hour. And they need more than 1 hour of sleep during the day. They should be getting 3+ hours during the day!!

I would let them cry until they fall asleep, but as you may remember, Abby will cry until I go get her. Even if it's 2.5 hours, she will cry and not go to sleep. And the fact is, I just cannot take them crying for more than 10 minutes at a time. Plus, they tested positive AGAIN for Strep Throat and we really don't want to let them cry that much while their throats are so sore. They got Penicillin shots and another round of antibiotics. They go back in a month for another round of shots. If it is not cleared up after that, we head to a specialist.

To say my anxiety is through the roof is an understatement. I dread nap times with a passion. I am starting to dread days, period. I have driven them around for nap times and when they come home, Abby wakes up. Every.time.

I will stop and say with relief that they have been doing better overnight. They sleep through the night about 4 out of 7 days. They don't time those days together, though. There has been 1 day when I actually slept through the night, closed my eyes when it was dark and opened them up to daylight...1 night...in over a year and a half.

I am tired. I am beaten down mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I haven't even been able to enjoy Zachary being at home this summer because my stress level has been so high. The few times I have tried to go out with all kids and get something done have been more trouble than they are worth. I pictured a certain someone being a help to push the cart or stroller, but that wasn't the case. It just made for a more stressful situation. Outings are just not worth it. And it has been WAY too hot for the park or walks around the block. I'd rather just stay at home, which is not good either.

There are no breaks for mamas. Period. Trips to the grocery store are not breaks. Vacations where nothing has changed from my daily routine except for the location is not a break. Even a few hours away while shopping is not that much of a break.

This is why I haven't been posting very much lately. I am just tired. I find I don't have the energy to write upbeat posts, so I don't post. I have literally been working on the vacation post since we left to GO on the vacation. And how stupid was I to think I would actually have time to work on my blog or post while on vacation. HA!

I can see everyone around me working so hard to help. And I really appreciate that. But it all comes back to - I'm the Mommy. It begins and ends with me.

I really hope that getting this out there has helped. Hopefully, better and funner blog posts are coming. If you are still reading this far into my ramblings...bless your heart.