Roseolla

Both girls have had fevers this week and now Olivia has spots all over. I am sure Abby will follow with the spots very soon. They are so so miserable, just wanting to lay on us most of the day. Poor babies. So that is what is going on right now with us. Just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I am just trying to fit two feverish girls on my lap to snuggle.

Oh, and remember when I said that the low stages now are worse than infancy? Umm, yeah, what was I thinking? There is nothing like a reminder of what infancy was all about to make me realize how great I have it now. They are up at night. And we have even brought one of them to bed with us but they squirm around and fuss and cry until their next dose of Motrin goes through. It is about an hour of it before they finally settle down and go to sleep. I ended up sleeping in the recliner with Olivia last night. Can you say - right back to infancy!?! I will be glad when this little bug is over and done with.

And once again, it is the anniversary of our first date. Remember last year? It you want the sweet sappiness of our courtship, then last years' post will fit the bill. He again brought me flowers and a kiss to remind me of our first time looking into each others eyes. ::sigh:: Thanks, babe.

I will leave you a cute story

Zachary was crawling around and playing with the girls on the floor and he scraped his knee. Tears and crying were present. Abby immediately went over and started patting him and murmuring to him. Then she wiped at his eyes and patted very gently with her two hands on the sides of his face. Abby is pretty rough with her love so this was so sweet to watch. Olivia got in on it and they both crawled in his lap for hugs. Needless to say, the tears turned to giggles.

Now if we could just get the girls to act that way toward each other. Oh my! The fights!

Off to 2nd Grade

Mah Baybee!! He is getting so so big...very big. He was pretty "eh" about the whole going to school thing. I think this is the year kids just kinda settle into a routine. They realize that this is the pattern of life for awhile. His elementary school is 2 floors. Kinder, 1st, and 2nd is on the ground floor. 3rd, 4th, and 5th is on the 2nd floor. Weeell...they are at capacity this year so 2 2nd grade classes are upstairs with the big kids. Zachary is in one of those classrooms and he thinks he is SO grown up to be upstairs. Me?? I really wasn't ready for him to be upstairs yet, you know? It means he is getting older. ::sigh::

Traditional picture in front of the door.


Another one - lookin' cool


In his classroom already busy busy busy working


One more - aww...my handsome boy

Sniff sniff
But really there were no tears this year. There are never any tears from him...just me. Last year, I was all hormonal and stuff. I posted about his first day here, but all the pictures are all jacked up. I tried to fix them, but couldn't so...deal. It is also the girls' 2 month old picture session. Ahh...those days...Thank God they are over ;-)

Manic Monday

There is 1 week left in Zachary's summer and have determined to stay away from the computer when he is awake. I want to enjoy his last week together before he heads off to 2ND GRADE!!! My gosh, I can't believe my baby will be in 2nd grade! Plus I am tagging all my stuff for the Just Between Friends Consignment sale in a few weeks. I have a TON of stuff to tag, so I am busy busy busy!

But...
I am hoping we get to go on lots of walks this week


or in Zachary's case...scootering


to feed the ducks


Hopefully naps will be better


Yes, that is Abby under there. This is how she fell asleep on her own one day.


Don't worry I moved all that right after I took the picture, but she was fine anyway...


Good naps = Bedhead + Dazed expression

P.S. Apples are our new favorite thing

The Positive

Well, things haven't really been going any better. Nap times are still rough with them crying for at least 30 mins to an hour before they settled down and go to sleep. Gary started putting the girls to bed every night by himself and it was going ok. But they still cried for at least an hour or more every single night. Real tears. Pouring down the cheeks real tears. Both Gary and I decided last night that we just can't do that anymore. It is heartbreaking!

So today for naps things started to look up:

Morning nap - We both each patted one baby to sleep since Gary worked from home today. I was so tired I could hardly stand up so I took a quick nap with them. Olivia slept 30 mins, but Abby slept about 1 hour and 15 mins which is great for her.

Afternoon nap - I stayed in the room but sat in the chair and cleaned up around the room. They both laid down on their own and went to sleep with no tears (a first for Abby!). They fussed, but no real tears. I can handle that :-) They both slept for about an hour and a half (Whoo-hoo!!)

Tonight we both went in and sat down in the floor where they could see us. Real tears came out pretty quickly so I laid in the floor and put one hand in each of their cribs. At first they didn't know what to think. It was pretty comical to see the looks on their faces as they stared down at my hand peeking through the crib bumper. Abby surprisingly laid right down. She settled down with her hand in mine. She laid quiet and still until she fell asleep. It only took about 20 mins. Olivia squirmed around rubbing her face, neck, hands, and feet into my hand, but she fell asleep quickly after only about 10 mins.

You know, if this is the transistion they need, then I can do it. Is it the right thing to do? At this time, yes. We both feel good about it. Lord, you knows how it will be next week!

It seems a constant ebb and flow...this last year. The positive highs and the lowly lows. Infancy was tough with the colic and the little sleep. I was recovering from surgery and caring for two tiny babies. Then around 5 months it got better. I felt like I could breathe! They could play in their bouncers and exersaucers. They were content!

Then around 7 months, again with the whining and neediness. That lasted for about a month then April was killer! It rivaled infancy except it was worse because I had had 10 months of little sleep instead of just a few weeks. I was at my wits end with them over nap time and just about to pull my hair out. Then, they turned a corner. That corner was me putting them in their swings to nap. They slept and it was wonderful. We had a couple of really, really great months. They were fun to be around and play with. They snuggled right down in our arms to go to sleep. Life was all of a sudden not so stressful. We had survived the first year. Yay for us!! But all the while there was this feeling...me waiting for the next rough time.

I have heard the first year is the worst and if I could just make it through all would start to look up. Then out of the blue, these monsters came! They whined and cried and started fighting us and with each other. They screech to get what they want. They arch their backs and fight us when it is time to sleep. They look right at us when we say "No" and LAUGH! Life is stressful again. I am tired again. Every time there is a low patch it's worse. A bleakness has settled over me just thinking of this cycle for the rest of their childhood.

And I know that all parenting is probably like this, but I honestly don't remember it with Zachary. Maybe it's because I have 2 this time or maybe it was that Zachary was just a really laid back and easy child. Maybe it is because I am not working. Could be just because I am older! Gasp! Maybe low times = teething. I don't really know. All I know is that during the low times, the days seem very long. They outnumber the good ones and I find it hard to enjoy my time with these wonderful girls. I strain to see the good.

And the good is there. Olivia wrinkles up her nose at us and grins all the time. Abby has started to run and chase us and want us to chase her. Olivia screeches then gets tickled and laughs at herself. Abby dances and has NO rhythm, poor girl, but still looks so cute. Olivia has started "talking". She speaks very earnestly to us and says "day go bah" a lot. She is telling us! Abby looks at her like she is crazy. They have started to play and interact more. They kiss and love on us and each other all the time. They both bring us books to read all day long. All.day.long...

The good is there. I know we will make it through. Maybe the next up phase will last awhile.

::fingers crossed::

Bumbleride Giveaway

Two of a Kind is giving away a Bumbleride Indie Twin Stroller.

Droooool!!

This is the kind of stroller I can only dream about since it has a price tag of over $600 (!!). Yep, it's just that good. It will make a wonderful new addition to my collection. Wish me luck!

Brag About Friday

Aren't they cute??

The real brag is me putting a picture of myself with no makeup
just because Gary liked it
Something I do not want to do but realize how silly that it so...

"Not Enough Hands" and "The Butt Spinner"

This is the funniest video of Abby.
She gets so frustrated and really let's her toys know it.
It gets really funny around 45 seconds in.

And this one is one of my favs of Olivia.

It is from about a month ago.

Sleep issues

I am sure everyone is tired of hearing about our sleep issues, but here goes...

The girls are on a sleep strike. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that they are teething molars and several other teeth or it may or may not have something to do with the fact that we stopped bottles and swings cold turkey when we got back from vacation. (Which I have tried and tried to do a post on, but I am having a hard time getting pics to upload for some reason.) Remember, they have pretty much been falling asleep with a bottle in their mouth (bad habit #1). And they have been falling asleep in their swings for naps (bad habit #102). We decided they are getting too big for the swings (yeah, I know, they were too big long ago) and bottles really should be heading out, too.

SO...I am seriously trying not to curl myself into a fetal position in the corner with my hands over my ears singing a little ditty in my head. You think I'm joking? I am so not, people. It has been hell. They cry and cry at night when we are rocking them to sleep. They fight and fight, especially Abby. She twists and turns and arches her back all the while screaming like we are ripping her arms off. Spoiled much?? Olivia is a bit easier as she cries really hard for about 5 minutes and then settles down to sleep. There are nights it has taken 1 or both of us over an hour to get Abby to sleep.

And that doesn't even count the naps. I am trying to get them to lay in their cribs to go to sleep for naps, since you know, I only have 2 arms and cannot rock them both to sleep at once and they refuse to let the other in my lap alone not to mention the fact that I am NOT going to rock both of them to sleep 1 at a time. I am NOT!!

Ahem...moving on...

As long as I am right beside Abby, she will lay there as I pat her...for 45 mins to an hour until she falls asleep. If I step away from her crib to, I don't know, CARE FOR ANOTHER BABY, she dissolves in hysterics, and the process starts all over. Meanwhile, Olivia is ok as long as she can see me. She rolls around with her blanket and plays until she realizes that she is about to fall asleep, then her waterworks start. She will lean over toward me and pat my arm and lay her head down on me as I am patting Abby. There have been times where I am patting both of them with my face on the boards of their cribs in between them. Yeah, not my finest hour. This has and may continue to go on for anywhere between 30 mins to an hour and a half.

Olivia will eventually lay down and go to sleep, but she is crying the whole time. So there I am patting Abby so she doesn't go into hysterics while Olivia cries herself to sleep so Abby doesn't have to?? How is this ok?? Sometimes I look around and think "Who am I that I am letting these 1 year olds run my life??"

Then, after all that, they may stay asleep an hour if I am lucky. I have even tried to make it only giving them 1 nap a day. They either fall asleep in their highchairs during lunch or they are SO cranky it's not worth it. Especially since even if they only have 1 nap, they still only sleep for about an hour. And they need more than 1 hour of sleep during the day. They should be getting 3+ hours during the day!!

I would let them cry until they fall asleep, but as you may remember, Abby will cry until I go get her. Even if it's 2.5 hours, she will cry and not go to sleep. And the fact is, I just cannot take them crying for more than 10 minutes at a time. Plus, they tested positive AGAIN for Strep Throat and we really don't want to let them cry that much while their throats are so sore. They got Penicillin shots and another round of antibiotics. They go back in a month for another round of shots. If it is not cleared up after that, we head to a specialist.

To say my anxiety is through the roof is an understatement. I dread nap times with a passion. I am starting to dread days, period. I have driven them around for nap times and when they come home, Abby wakes up. Every.time.

I will stop and say with relief that they have been doing better overnight. They sleep through the night about 4 out of 7 days. They don't time those days together, though. There has been 1 day when I actually slept through the night, closed my eyes when it was dark and opened them up to daylight...1 night...in over a year and a half.

I am tired. I am beaten down mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I haven't even been able to enjoy Zachary being at home this summer because my stress level has been so high. The few times I have tried to go out with all kids and get something done have been more trouble than they are worth. I pictured a certain someone being a help to push the cart or stroller, but that wasn't the case. It just made for a more stressful situation. Outings are just not worth it. And it has been WAY too hot for the park or walks around the block. I'd rather just stay at home, which is not good either.

There are no breaks for mamas. Period. Trips to the grocery store are not breaks. Vacations where nothing has changed from my daily routine except for the location is not a break. Even a few hours away while shopping is not that much of a break.

This is why I haven't been posting very much lately. I am just tired. I find I don't have the energy to write upbeat posts, so I don't post. I have literally been working on the vacation post since we left to GO on the vacation. And how stupid was I to think I would actually have time to work on my blog or post while on vacation. HA!

I can see everyone around me working so hard to help. And I really appreciate that. But it all comes back to - I'm the Mommy. It begins and ends with me.

I really hope that getting this out there has helped. Hopefully, better and funner blog posts are coming. If you are still reading this far into my ramblings...bless your heart.

Testing

testing testing

I am once again testing my blog through Live Writer.

I shot this with my new camera (!!)