Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I have hit the misery wall

Actually, miserable was last week. I am past miserable, I am just in pain this week. I need to vent about how miserable I am so if you don't want to hear me whine, just move along to the next blog.

I have this pain that goes all the way up and down my left side. The closest I can come to describing it is that it feels like a stitch in my side, but worse. It hurts when I breathe, lie down, walk, sit down, whatever. It gets worse as the day goes on.

I have stretching, hmmm wonder why??, all around the bottom of my tummy and it hurts. It even goes down into my groin, sorry tmi, and legs. And with my severe edema in my lower tummy, it has actually started swelling around that piece of skin that is hard. Nice...

I have also started getting this back spasm at night or when I nap. It feels like back labor, but it only happens when I am asleep. What's with that?? I can actually feel the tremors in my back. I guess it's about time for the backaches to start. I haven't had them at all yet.

All this started in just the past few days!! And on top of all that I have the normal acid reflux in the evening and night, my hands going numb, my super itchy belly, my still swollen feet and every other part of my body, the peeing every 15 mins; Ugh! So miserable!!

Last night was probably the worse I have felt yet. I made the mistake of driving to my mom's yesterday to drop off Z so he can play with his cousins. I laid down the whole time I was there, well most of the time, but it is a 40 min drive. By the time I left, I was in some serious pain, plus I had to drive. I actually cried the majority of the way home. I just had this overwhelming feeling that I just can't do this anymore. I have 3 weeks to go and that seemed like a lifetime in the pain I was in right then. I never had that was Z. The last week I was ready, but I didn't have this whole "I just can't do it anymore" attitude.

The thing is, they really need to stay inside cooking a few more weeks to guarantee lung development and no NICU stay. So I will continue in this misery for as long as it takes for my girls to get here healthy and ready to come home with me.


Deb said...

Way to take one for the team like the trooper mommy that you are. I bet EVERYTHING is uncomfortable/painful, but like you said - only 3 more weeks. YOU CAN DO THIS! Since I don't know what you have been trying to do for your pain(s) I will throw out some random thoughts. Hob 'bout a nice bath before you lay down - something to relax you. Or laying on one side versus the other, maybe some strategically placed pillows, or a shot of tequila (oh scratch that last one-heehee).
I reiterate - YOU CAN DO THIS! You are in the homestretch Sara. Hang on just a little longer sweetie.

KimboSue said...

Sounds like rough times for you these days, but luckily the prize will be holding those beautiful healthy baby girls! NCLM

My name is Andy. said...

I'm sorry your having a rough time of things! Hang in there.