Saturday, November 1, 2008

One Year Ago Today...

We put our little embryos into my uterus. We sat together looking at the picture below...

...trying to decide; 2 or 1. Up until this day, we were only putting in 1. period. no questions asked. But dang if they didn't hand us this picture with two beautiful babies on it. If we chose 1, they would put in the embryo on the left because it was the bigger and better of the two. And the other would continue to grow until it reached a stage when it could be frozen. I like to think that Abigail is on the left and Olivia is on the right. At this stage of the process we had no other embryos that were guaranteed to make it to the frozen stage. Even the little embryo on the right was not for sure guaranteed. They told us that if we put 1 in and it did not stick, we may have to start a whole fresh cycle again.

So we sat there holding this picture. We prayed and both felt a peace about putting both in. Gary wanted it to turn into 2 babies. I was just hoping for 1. There are times when I am so overwhelmed with 2 babies and I confess at times I wish there was only one. But then, if I am correct in my thinking of which is which, I wouldn't have my beautiful, fussy, smiley Olivia, who looks at me with such love and devotion it puts a lump in my throat. Or if I am not correct and it would be Olivia we had, then I wouldn't have my sweet, loving, talking Abby girl who laughs at me when I laugh at her and I would never have seen her sweet little smile. I thank God that we did put them both in.

We have 2 embryos that did make it to the frozen stage...and...we have no idea what to do with them. I want them. I really really want them. My mother's instinct cannot fathom destroying, donating, or otherwise not having them in my life. My practical Gary is done. He wants to be able to do things as a family that 2 more children would not allow us to do financially. I know, I can see his point, but how can you look at our girls and not think of those blobs as babies? Who knows...we don't have to decide today. Hopefully it will be clearer when we do get to that point.

I will be looking back on my early pregnancy a lot this month and you get to look back with me.

Also, if you have anything you want me to blog about. Questions, subjects, whatever. Let me know. I will be happy to oblige.


1 comment:

Mom said...

I love your blog about your babies when they were so small they would fit on a pin head. I think I can tell them apart - can you?

I love you and am proud of how you made it through all of the very difficult days you had with the IVF and then with the whole pregnancy thing.

And now you have two beautiful girls!!